What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
