dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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