5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
