yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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