I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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