You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
