Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
