I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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