I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
