i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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