2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
