I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
