If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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