wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
