I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize