We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize