i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
