I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
