So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
His nipple licking is glorious
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