Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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