Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
