Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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