Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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