My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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