...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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