So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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