This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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