so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
