just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
