Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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