Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize