I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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