In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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