Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize