What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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