Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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