6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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