Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
