I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
