I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
