did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
