he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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