Did I show you my penis last night?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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