We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
