when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
