I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
