We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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