She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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