Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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