Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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