HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize