I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
