don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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