he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize