I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
