Cold hands, warm shart.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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