If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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