lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
