You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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