She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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