So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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